


Lose you to Love me

by Momiji_Dysprosium



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Rigel Black Chronicles
Genre: Addy - Freeform, Fanfiction of Fanfiction, Fire, Futile Facade Ch14, Gen, Inspired by Music, Inspired by The Rigel Black Chronicles, James Potter - Freeform, Lily Evans Potter - Freeform, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Song: Lose You To Love Me (Selena Gomez), murkybluematter, remus lupin - Freeform, sirius black - Freeform, spoiler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:19:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29439603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momiji_Dysprosium/pseuds/Momiji_Dysprosium
Summary: Who are you?“This is it Harry, this is the end.” said Archie in a voice freer than she’d heard.Inspired by Lose you to love me by Selena Gomez.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 47





	Lose you to Love me

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Lose you to love me by Selena Gomez.  
> Unbetaed One shot

_Who are you?_

_Who are **you**_ **_?!_ **

**_WHO ARE YOU?!_ **

“Harry!”

She gasped loudly and woke up in her sweat. Her hand clenched her humid bed sheet before she groaned and fell back on her bed. One of her twisting curls still managed to fall on her face, her cousin’s hand delicately pushed it behind her ear.

“Are you alright cuz?” asked Archie, his bright grey eyes worriedly assessing her health. His hand touched the deep dark circles highlighting her green eyes.

“I’m fine.” tiredly muttered Harry before she got up. This was getting annoying, how many times will she wake up gasping for air? This was getting worse than when she had nightmares of _Pettigrew_. 

Archie opened his mouth, but stopped himself from talking; she felt thankful that unlike the other member of their family, he didn’t push her. Instead, her cousin gave her a glass of freshwater, which she gorged upon. “So, you passed them?” asked Archie with a foxy grin, already knowing her answer.

She rolled her eyes, “Of course.” His wide eyes were still on her, as Archie did his best imitation of a whining puppy. “They were all easy; the potion one was a joke, a third-year could have passed them.” He laughed in glee and ruffled her hair, before jumping out of her bed.

“‘Course you’d say that. By the way, you’re late for breakfast - be quick or I’ll eat your share cuz’.” howled Archie before leaving her room with the speed of a god. Harry sighed, at least one of them was getting better. 

She left her warm cocoon to get changed, letting out a little curse when her long gown nearly tripped her to the floor. Another change she had to make after the Ruse had been discovered; she felt naked when using the nightgowns bought by her mom, however, Harry had no choice. It would be risky for her family to know she now preferred to sleep in her outwear - if James interrogated any of Rigel’s dormmates, it would be evidence pointing toward her.

Harry greeted her family, and they ate their breakfast in a usual and familiar mood. Things were healing nicely; James and Lily were speaking to each other with more ease than before, Remus fed Addy who toughly fought against the spoon of mashed banana, and Sirius was teasing Archie about Hermione. All was going well, or at least things were going as well as they could, thought Harry. Their family was finally easing the metaphorical shackles on Archie and her hands, perhaps it was the ease in which they’d aced their exams, or time doing its effect, but peace was finally back on them.

She drank her cup of milk, trying to forget the reminiscence left by her nightmare. There would be no more Hogwarts - no more brewing with Master Snape, no more Draco, and Pansy, no more Slytherin, no more Twins - she drank again, trying to forget about Lestrange, about Riddle’s failed scheming. She was herself again, she was Harry Potter.

_‘Who are you?’_

She choked.

“Harry!” shouted her mother, her bright green eyes worriedly watching Harry, and of course, everyone turned as one to send her concerning glances. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, went through the wrong pipe.” smoothly lied Harry, they all turned back to their activities, only Archie’s grey eyes - similar to Draco’s - were fixed on her. She shook her head, and he went back to Sirius.

Her father got up and quickly kissed Lily, he managed to ruffle Addy’s hair and avoid her banana-flavored hand, before hugging Harry. “See you tonight.” He flooed back to work.

Remus sighed in tiredness as Addy finally allowed herself to be fed, “I’ll have to leave soon Lils.” 

“Right, you have an interview at that bookshop.” mused Lily, before taking charge of feeding Addy. “You should have reminded me Remus, now you need to get changed.”

Uncle Remus smiled, “It’s okay, Lily, a simple cleaning charm and-”

“No way Moony! Let’s get you fitted, I’ve recently bought dashing gold robes!” exclaimed Sirius, excited to keep himself busy. He was finally going back to his volunteer work, though his schedule wasn’t as full as before - death threat had changed that.

“No, not gold Siri-”

“Well, maroon then. See ya Lily, kids!” shouted Sirius before flooing with the protesting Remus. 

Her mother sighed, “And of course, he left me with the dishes.”

“We’ll take care of it Aunt Lily.” volunteered Archie, and Harry nodded.

“Right, don’t you have an appointment with the healer?” asked Harry as she watched her little sister finally and calmly eat the mashed banana.

“Oh no! Who will look after you?” mused her mother.

Archie and Harry made eye contact, since when have they been reduced to toddlers? “Mom, we don’t need a sitter.” calmly said Harry. Her mother looked hesitant, before she wouldn’t have cared, now Archie and she always needed to be watched.

“Honestly Aunt Lily, we know we’re still grounded. Come on, you can even close the wards as you go. We promise we won’t leave the house.” argued Archie with a winning smile.

“Please mom, we’ll just wash the dishes and play chess or something.” added Harry.

Her mother seemed to hesitate, “Aunt Lily, you can even send a message to dad to come back after he’s fitted Remus. We won’t get in any trouble.” finished Archie, as her mother finally sighed.

“Fine, but no potion or mischief-making!” said Lily before taking Addy in her arms.

“Since when was potion- ouch!” Archie’s sharp elbow met her ribs. She glared at her cousin, who only smiled apologetically. Lily kissed them both and thanked them in advance for the dishes. And finally, Archie and she were alone.

“The dishes?” her cousin barely had to ask, and she was swishing her hands to do them. They had no time to lose. “Finally, I thought we’d never have the opportunity! Shall we do it in the garden?”

“No. My room will do, I can vanish all evidence.”

Archie nodded, and they rushed to her room. “By the way, Harry, are you _really_ okay?”

She opened her mouth, another lie already on her lips, but Archie’s grey eyes dared her to try. Anyway, if one was to not count Leo, Archie was the only one who knew about the Ruse - he’d been her partner, the other side of the knut. If she couldn’t trust Archie, who could she trust? “Not really, but I feel that after today, I’ll be fi- I’ll get better.” truthfully answered the potioneer.

“Yeah, I understand what you mean.” softly said Archie.

“Do you have everything?” asked Harry, as she reached for her Moleskine pouch. They couldn’t have predicted they’d have free time.

“Yeah, I never leave them at home.” confessed Archie, his eyes filled with guilt at the lack of trust he seemed to have in Sirius. “I- I don’t know, every night I feel like a snake’s gonna steal them, or an Auror will arrest dad, or something.” weakly finished Archie.

And Harry felt guilty about her selfishness, she hadn’t thought of what her cousin would feel. They’d be occupied with so many things, their family _watching_ their movements, their confinement, her nightmares - she felt like she had lost herself, and she had, hadn’t she? - Rigel Black was a part of her, she’d spend four years in his skin, meeting people, feeling like she belonged, like _she_ was accepted, and then she’d lost everything. Harry knew that Archie didn’t blame her for languishment, for her lack of interest in everything else, she knew he didn’t begrudge her selfishness.

“Please cuz’, don’t make that face.” muttered her cousin as he side-hugged her.

“Yeah, let’s end this here.”

Silently they put every letter they found in each other's belongings; Harry was thankful that her parents had been too shocked to search her belongings, or perhaps, it was the basis of trust - but she could feel her hair lighten to gray with the continuous stress. Archie and she hadn’t kept a draconian approach in the way they guarded their papers. Sure, they had secured many avenues, but some letters had stayed in Archie’s trunk - well Harry’s, but it was really Archie’s - and Harry, hadn’t thrown her notes. She did vanish clothes, sheets, and _her boots._ The potioneer even changed the way she’d arrange her potion pouch. However, she had forgotten one thing.

Every lesson she’d taken, every note she’d scribbled in her books, they were all incriminating evidence. She put all of them on her beige colored carpet, Archie took out all the notes he’d kept from her, and put them on the carpet. Even that wasn’t all that was still _tainted_ by the memory of Rigel Black. Archie pulled out the robes she’d worn to parties, he put on a pair of his favorite shoes. _They had to do it._

“Is this all of it?”

“Yeah, I already vanished everything from the dorm. I also had some time in my apartment…” trailed Harry, remembering that she still had Draco’s gauntlet in her belongings. She took them out and laid them on her soft carpet.

“Are you sure?” quietly asked Archie. “I can keep them in the black vault.”

She closed her eyes, remembering the hurt expression in light silver eyes. She remembered Lestrange - Caelum who’d known her, who still judged her - they were cousins, weren’t they? Pureblood all of them, and even if he’d been her friend, he would never forgive her for the hurt. She’d made him trust her, and she’d broken him, hadn’t she? She couldn’t bear to face Draco Malfoy or Pansy Parkinson. She didn’t want to see their face wearing the same expression of disgust as blood supremacists. It wasn’t only that, Harry remembered Greengrass, Daphne, she’d been innocent, but no one looked at her the same way. Harry thought of her family, of her dad, her mom, and sweet little Addy; she won’t put them in danger for a schoolgirl dream.

The witch smiled darkly, it was ironic, their whole Ruse had started with a dream, a wish. They thought they were above everything, they were too arrogant, and even if they’d plan everything to a T, Archie and Harry never really thought how and when it would end. This was _all_ Riddle’s fault, darkly thought the girl.

Dom’s presence forced Harry to focus back on Archie and his worried face. “Let’s do it, Arch.” said Harry as she put her _own_ wand in the pile. Her cousin gulped, “Are you really sure? It’s your _wand…_ ”

“It’s _Rigel’s._ ” hissed Harry. Her hand and magic twitched to save the holly wand, but Harry had never been sentimental, she believed in practicality - her wand was evidence, it could destroy everything.

“Okay.” murmured Archie. “Let’s do it, together?” asked the sweet summer child as he pushed his own wand in her hand. The wand protested at first, but it listened to Archie’s will. “To the count of three. One, two, three-

 _Incedio._ ”

Her magic lurched in rage, in sadness - this was the end. It burst, fueled with Archie and her wills, it blazed the pile of notes, of books, of shoes, of clothes - it blazed and churned Rigel Black’s last piece of belongings.

Harry’s gaze focused on the fire.

This was it.

It had started in this room, a crying girl wishing she could go to a magical school - to be taught The Art. It had started here, with a boy who lost his mother, a boy who wished to heal, to help. It had started with two kids who wanted, who dreamed. Two kids who only had each other for friends, they’d lived in their own world - protected by their family, living in selfishness - they had never thought about the consequences, more precisely, they’d never thought their masquerade would roar and turn waves across the world.

The girl who had lost herself playing a farce, who’d let herself become the character she was portraying, who was Harry Potter? Who had been Rigel Black? - Hadn’t they been the same soul, the same character in a different corporal form? So if Rigel Black was to be erased, to be burned, what stayed of Harry?

How could she have forgotten her own boggart? She’d felt it during her third year, hadn’t she? At first, it had been Archie and her, but then, too many characters entered. Even if people called her a pessimist, Harry knew in the depth of her mind, a place accessible only to Dom and her, that a part of her had innocently thought they’d manage seven years. Archie and she had ignored the collar around their neck, tightening them; there were many things she should have ignored, but she couldn’t ignore.

A sense of justice had empowered her, she’d had to fight for too many things. She gave pieces of herself in a game played in a whole new area. Harry only wanted to brew potions. She clenched her fist. But no one would let her, her dad insulting Snape, her mother coddling her brewing, the COW party had put a legal barrier to forbid her to go to Hogwarts.

Archie and she had faced everything together, they’d danced around every obstacle to their own tune. They gave part of themselves, part of their freedom to create Rigel Black. And, she hadn’t realized it, but she’d come to hate Rigel Black. 

She sobbed in Archie’s arm.

It was true, wasn’t it? She had changed her gender and her blood status, and she’d been, oh, so loved. Harry would never forget her first party with _her_ friends as herself and every other one. There was a barrier between them, something she couldn’t change, Harry doesn’t want to change her blood status for them. She wanted people to love her for herself; the realistic, academic, dark-humored half-blood potioneer.

Rigel Black may have made her realize that people could love her for her personality, he may have given her an opportunity with Master Snape. But now, with his end, there was only Harry. And what was she going to do? She would have to change her whole persona again; because people would watch for Rigel in Archie, and in _her._

“This is it Harry, this is the end.” said Archie in a voice freer than she’d heard.

He’d finally be free.

At least one of them would be able to reach happiness.

She watched her carpet turn a charcoal color, ashes tainted her whole floor.

“Er, shouldn’t we do something before the fire burns through the house?”

She laughed out loudly, they were finished.

“Evanesco.” muttered Archie, making the carpet and all of _Rigel’s_ belonging vanish into non-being.

Harry’s green eyes watched the remaining ashes dance across her room.

And it was in this room where everything started, where Rigel Black began, it was here that everything would end.

 _“I hate you Rigel Black.”_ confessed Harry Potter, as she left the room with her cousin; ease in their shoulder, which hadn’t been seen in years.

They will learn again who Arcturus Black and Harry Potter were. The chapter was finally closed and done, they’d say their goodbye to the last remaining pieces of Rigel Black; it was time for Archie and Harry to raise from the ashes left by their persona.

**Author's Note:**

> So, Happy Valentine day !


End file.
